What to Do If a Deity Approaches You

Last summer, I wrote a post about how to choose a Pagan deity to worship. This week, I’m doing the reverse: what to do when a deity chooses you.

Perhaps a deity popped up during divination. Maybe you keep seeing signs associated with a deity. Or maybe you feel suddenly drawn toward a deity, despite not knowing why.

What do you do now? I’ll answer based on my experiences and shared experiences from others.

Art of Thoth, done by me.

Why Me?

Ever since I started posting about Hades worship on Tumblr, I’ve received messages similar to this: “Hades is reaching out to me, but I’m not a death witch, and I’ve never had any significant experiences with death. Why me?”

I can’t answer that. The Gods and Goddesses think in ways that are beyond our comprehension.

That said, deities are more complex than many of us realize. For example, Hades doesn’t just aid with funerals and grief. He also governs justice, fair treatment, the fear of mortality, wealth and finances, fertility of the earth, and major life transitions. There could be a reason why you need this deity or vice-versa. But you won’t know until you start studying/working with Them.

You Can Say No ​

For some reason, many authors don’t mention that you can say no. A deity might invite you to work with Them, but it’s just that: an invitation. You may politely turn it down if you are uninterested or not ready. Even in Paganism and witchcraft, relationships are a two-way street. You won’t be punished or screw up cosmic law by declining. 

In the same vein, some deities enter our lives momentarily. A God or Goddess might work with you for a while and then withdraw. If this happens, don’t panic. It’s normal. If you want to continue the relationship, then They will likely come back later.

If You Want to Proceed

If you’re still reading, you might want to form a relationship with this deity. Or you could just be curious and want more information before deciding. Remember that you don’t have to dive head-first into worship right away (and definitely don’t devotee right away!). Study the deity, communicate with Them for a bit, and see how the relationship feels. ​

Old Hades altar.

One more thing. Notice that I have been saying “working with a deity” instead of “worshiping” throughout the post. Many practitioners will work with deities–pay respects, ask for support, and harness Their power for spells–without worshiping Them. If this sounds like you, then these tips still apply.

Study the Deity

Like I mentioned before, deities are more complex than most people believe. If you only know the deity through myths, then you do not know enough to start working with Them. 

The ancients treated Gods and Goddesses differently than the myths did. After all, myths are only stories, and even some Pagans didn’t believe they were real. So if you really want to know who the deity is, research how the ancients worshiped Them.

Don’t know where to start? Here are some ideas:

• Honorifics. In Hellenic polytheism, these are called epithets. Honorifics, such as “Lord of the Dead,” can tell you a lot about how the ancients perceived these deities.
• Holidays and festivals. Does your deity have any holidays or festivals? Even the ones observed by small cults count.
• Rituals. Were They involved in any ancient magic? If so, what for?
• Symbols. Every deity is associated with certain symbols, colors, animals, and elements. Learning these will help with offerings and altars.​

Hades devotional box with prayer inside. Used to be available on my shop.

If you want to worship this deity, then also research modern worship. Modern practitioners often tweak ancient rituals to be appropriate for the 2020s. You could get some creative ideas from them.

​If you're approached by a minor deity, these might be harder to research. Check out this post for more guidance. ​

Decide How to Reach Out

So you’ve done your research. Now what? Now, you’ll decide how you want to reach out to Them.

This sounds more daunting than it is. Put simply, you need to consider what you want your relationship to be, or what you would like to know from Them. Grab a pen and paper and jot down these prompts:

1. Do you want your relationship to look a certain way?
2. Are you comfortable with worship or a more secular relationship?
3. Do you want a long-term or short-term relationship?
4. Would you like to know why the deity approached you?
5. What aspect of this deity do you jive with? Is there a certain symbol, honorific, or myth that stood out to you?
6. Are you reaching out for a specific reason? For example, do you need help with a spell or a life event?

These answers will help you decide what to say (or ask) when you first approach the deity.

When You Reach Out

There is no “right way” to reach out to a deity, as long as you’re respectful. That said, I know that many practitioners worry about being disrespectful. So I will give you an example ritual to introduce yourself to a deity. Feel free to adjust if appropriate. 

1. Give Them an offering. It doesn’t have to be large; it can be a small candle in the deity’s color or Their preferred drink. (Don't know how to give offerings? Read this.)
2. Thank the deity for reaching out. Acknowledge that They took the time to do so, even if you don’t know why.
3. Ask any questions you wish. If desired, use divination. They might not answer right away, but They will hear you.
4. If you know what kind of relationship you want, then bring it up as an idea. Don’t demand; just say, “I would like” or “I would prefer.”
5. If you do not know what kind of relationship you want, or are till undecided, you may ask for a sign.
6. Sit with Them for a bit. Give Them a chance to respond.
7. Thank Them for Their time and respectfully dispose of the offering. If you cast a circle, you may close it now.

​
​If you're struggling with prayer--how to do it, what's appropriate, etc.--then this post might help you.

Altar offerings for Imbolc.

What Happens Afterwards?

What should you do after reaching out? I cannot answer this for you. That would defeat the purpose of establishing your own relationship with the deity.

You might not have received an answer after that ritual. Be patient. You might want to repeat divination (similar to how you do it with spirits), or you may wait for signs. If you don’t know whether something is a sign, read this post.

I hope this helped you start a relationship with a deity who reached out. If you have any other tips or experiences you want to share, please comment below!